Sassy in waiting (2022-24)

   What people tend to misunderstand is that it's not about the drugs. On their own, drugs are not that thrilling. It's about the pain. I'm a high-enough-functioning addict, but I don't need to get high  to  function. I just use to take away the pain. I'll stay perfectly clean as long as there's someone there to hold me tight, but the second he wants to let go, I'm back on whatever I can reach. I don't care about being high. I just don't want to be lonely.

   Serena and Maze might literally be the death of me. Their bodies, warm, soft, and welcoming. That coy, come-hither way they like to look at me. They make out with each other sometimes, too. I think they do it for me, but they don't need to. They wore me out tonight. I needed to feed again afterwards. I don't deserve such sweet, perfect blood. She tells me it's okay, it makes her feel alive. The way she looks at me, with those bright, blue-green eyes, trying so hard to trust me again, but I can still see the pain behind them. It makes me wish Luci was not so understanding. I know I deserve to be punished. Yet he houses me and insists only that I stay, to be with our Serena. I expected her to punish me, but she only wants to feed me and have me cuddle and make love to her. Taking her hunting with me excites her. Everything excites her. It's not easy to keep up. Perhaps that is my punishment-- an insatiable creature who wears lust like a cloak of furs and requires a dea...

   Xandy is such a delight! The way his body shakes for me when I'm on my knees for him, it's the best, most validating thing in the world. Maze and I took turns with him tonight until he couldn't take it anymore. I don't think I've ever seen him so sensitized before. It was delightful! Faustus has been keeping Luci pretty busy. I don't mind. He's wanted this for a long time, and he's finally stopped sniping at me for hooking. He did say he doesn't want Dorian to join them because he doesn't want Dorian to meet me. I think he's still a little jealous, and I think it bothers him that I'm not jealous of him.

  Talk about a BAD TRIP! Stumbling through the thick trees   Jacob   was running, and running. A hundred percent sure he was actually running from a pack of wolves and definitely not in Montana! His foot caught a branch sticking from the dirt and down he went hard. Conveniently straight out of the thick trees that ran along the side of the highway that ran from Falls end to Missoula. Tumbling down the slope and slamming into a fallen trunk he lay there for a moment his breath all but knocked out of him. At this point he nearly looked like he'd spent the past three days crawling around the undergrowth of the forest. Which he has, not long after the bad explosion down in the Henbane. Both triggered, hurt and so out of it on the Bliss he'd ended up in a very bad stupor and now twice he'd ended up merely snapping necks of three people he'd come across who'd thought it was smart to approach. Finally though, he just couldn't move. The howls were dying down and the hal...

   Xander is so handsome and sweet. He took me hunting today. He's been listening when I tell him about criminals who are horrendous human beings but get off due to either the skill of their defense lawyer or a flaw in the prosecution's case. Luci has given Xandy and me free rein to hunt them for sport. Seeing Xandy so brutal, so beautiful, so vicious, so glorious... it really does something to me. He does not drink from them, since he is bonded to me, but together we collect their blood-- slowly at first-- and then, should Xander's torture accidentally kill them, we collect the rest as they lay dying. We then harvest their organs, and if they have hair, we shave it to spin into twine. They might as well contribute something to society. Then we go home and make love, sometimes with Maze, sometimes just us. I have been falling even more in love with him by the day, and I think he feels the same for me. I give him blood and he gives me excitement!

   It was the not the first time L had ever receive chocolates strawberrys on Valentine's Day. Of course some of the former children of the orphanage would send him some. But this was the first time he receive them from someone he worked with. "These look rather expensive Light. You did not have to get me anything. We are not dating. Are you sure they are not for Misa?" Ryuzaki asked rasing a brow as he tried not to let his hunger for the delicious looking desserts just In case they were meant for someone else. Sadly his tummy disagreed with him and gargled.   "Misa has many chocolates from her adoring fans," Light said. "Actually, this... was a gift from her to me. She won't eat many sweets because they're fattening and she needs to keep her figure to work as an idol. So there are about twenty boxes at home. You're welcome to 19 of them. I see you constantly munching sweets while slouching in your chair." Light averted his eyes at that adm...

   I got a little duck plush today, and some more yarn. Duckie seems to dislike every man I take an interest in outside of our little group. I reminded him today that he had the chance to marry me months ago, chose not to, and chose to let Rebitcha's feelings dictate whether he should remain with Nathaniel and me. If he wanted say over whom I date, or more precisely, fuck, he shouldn't have let me let him go. Sigefrid is good to me. He sleeps well with me beside him. He wants me for drugs, sex, and comfort, but what's important is that he wants me. This is about a man I don't want to be romantically involved with, but it does still sadden me that Bloodhair no longer wants to be friends. He almost seemed to hate me when I last went to see him, but I remember us getting along perfectly well when we met. He liked my eyes. I am very proud of my eyes. My hair and lashes may be extensions, and I may have to keep myself in ruffle tops and chastity belts, but my eyes, at least,...