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July 7, 2022 | Serena's diary

  I love my Xandy, but he can be so silly sometimes! I hope he loves me, I do, it's just... why doesn't he ask me out? My friends and I thought, okay, not every guy is into anal, so maybe he won't want to sleep with me, but maybe we could do something intimate that isn't necessarily sexual, like dancing. So Faus suggested dancing, but that made Xander freeze up as well! He agreed to it, but... oh, why couldn't he just ask me himself?

On top of that, this girl Syria showed up interested in my Lucifer. She's not really his type, but he'll be polite, anyway. He told Rebecca, months ago, that he wasn't looking for a girlfriend.

Syria approached us much the same way as Freya: shy, polite, claiming she doesn't want to disrupt anything. I'm indifferent to her as a person, but I don't really want Luci to be distracted by her when he could be needed by me. Because what if Xander's just being polite so I won't fight with him? The look Syria gave me, like she was trying to figure me out, was yet another bone-chilling reminder that I'm not exactly what Xander was looking for in a mate.

How long am I going to feel like this, frightened and insecure? He wanted Maze instantly. He wanted that girl from his past, Wren, instantly. He didn't hesitate to propose to either of them. So why can't he at least ask me out?

I don't understand him. He balked at whitewater rafting and at dancing. Is there anything he likes, besides pussy?

I hate how bitter I am. This isn't me. I just want to be loved and needed by him. He's so reserved with me in a way he wasn't with his other girlfriends, at least as far as I know. I hate that I'm once again crying over him. I thought things were good between us, and we both desperately want them to be, but... but...

I really don't know. Am I just impossible to satisfy?

Sometimes I wish I could just forget the last 16 years and just be carefree again.

At the risk of beating a dead horse, my friends and I suggested two fun activities and pitched getting a separate legal identity for Serena so I could marry Xander without divorcing Luci. Why doesn't he get it? I hate to keep asking, but doesn't he love me?

Doesn't he love me?

Doesn't he love me?

He didn't feed, again, and I don't understand why he neglects us so.

...

Doesn't he love me?

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