Sassy in waiting (2022-24)

   I took some time today to remember how it was when I first began representing Sigefrid's MC and I don't know why, but it made me feel so lonely. Now I can spend as much time with those boys as I want, and I do. I've helped them get over the flu. I still cook and clean for them, and Sigefrid surprised me in the best way! He asked Luci to have some documents drawn up to make Serena a legal personage... and then he proposed in front of the whole club! My new documents actually already have his last name on them, but he actually wanted to throw us a party and have us officially sign the marriage certificate in front of witnesses! It's amazing that he would do that for me. Sad and lonely are the last things I should be feeling. I'm surrounded by men who love me. They tell me all the time how sweet I am. So why is my heart still breaking? Is it just out of habit? I guess it must be.

   He worries so much. It's off-putting, not because he's at fault, but because I am. He tried so hard to forgive me that he forgot he needs to heal, emotionally. He loves us all so much, he is remiss in loving himself. None of us can bring it to his attention without scarring him. I miss the confident, even arrogant, person he used to be.

   Sometimes I have episodes where I forget that my relationships with Xander and Sigefrid are stable now. I'll run into their arms sobbing and frantically ask if they still need me. Then I'll be embarrassed, because I remember they're not with me because they  need  me. They  love  me. I love them, too. I don't know what I'd do without them. They're patient and tender with me, but I feel guilty for needing so much reassurance. Why? Trent has never made me feel bad for my needy ways, nor have Nathaniel or Luci. I shouldn't be like this, so why am I? What if I drive them away because 'm so consumed by my need for them?