I think Xander and I broke up. It hurts. Maybe it's just a fight because he's been overwhelmed, or maybe it goes to show that people always leave. The MC hates me, with a few exceptions. Sigefrid isn't around, nor is Dany. Erik won't tell me how I can prove myself. There's no use for me anymore. Not right now, anyway.
I haven't been okay for a very long time. I went from being a kickass lawyer to being a needy husk of a person. Maybe I've always been a husk and the lawyer was just a faรงade.
Trent will take me back if I ask him to, but would that make things worse right now? It's a complicated situation. I'd better not ask him. I can wait a little while for tings to clear up. I reckon maybe Xander and his friends need some space from us. I love him so much. I'm not letting go-- let it be known, I did try to fight-- fight for us-- but what if it made things worse? What if I phrased things poorly and pushed him away further? Time will tell, and right now, time is what he needs. At the very least, I hope he was touched by my efforts. I'm too afraid to stick around and find out.
He thinks I wasn't giving him the space to be himself and evolve. Now that he mentioned it, I can see that, but I don't remember if we had the chance to talk that out. Maybe we did and I didn't understand where he was coming from. That seems to be happening a lot lately, me not understanding what people mean.
What happened to me? I used to be so good with people.
No time to dwell on it. Nate wants to write.
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